General

Torture and Kill All Spammers

They deserve it. Seriously, if it ever came to a vote to have the government openly endorse hunting down all spammers no matter where they are in order to brutally torture and then murder them, I wouldn't hesitate to vote in favor of it. Go ahead and call me an asshole for that, but I'm not one of the subhumans that are spewing spam.

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Seriously, do I even read any of the crap I write...?

Many people call me an asshole. I rarely argue the point. Does that make me an agreeable asshole?

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Maybe I need sleep...

If Google's Go became really serious about functional programming and gained monads, would that make them "gonads"?

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This is what years of web-development and tax-season stress have done to me...

Originally posted: April 14th, 2009

After falling into a lake 5 miles southeast of the much more well-known Jusenkyo spring, I now turn into a foul-mouthed anthropomorphic walnut every time I get splashed with a three-week-old coffee/martini blend that was mixed by a near-sighted ambidextrous midget wearing a striped goatskin bikini and chanting "I'd like to see a ferret on THAT" in Swahili. Needless to say, this happens CONSTANTLY, and I'm frankly growing quite tired of it.

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Bicycles and Sidewalks

Originally posted: March 10th, 2008

Hearing mantras like "Share the road" or "Bicycles belong off of the sidewalks" makes me cringe.

Which is worse: a pedestrian getting hit by a bike or a bicyclist getting hit by a car? Let's think about it...

When a pedestrian gets hit by a bike: He gets scraped and bruised. When a bicyclist gets hit by a car: He gets dead. Which is worse: Bruised or dead?

"Oh, but wait! What if that pedestrian has a baby in a stroller?! What do you think happens to that baby?!"

What happens to that baby if it's sitting in a baby seat on a bike when that bike gets hit by a car?

"Silly idiot! There aren't any baby seats for bicycles!"

Sure there are. I used to ride in one when I was little. And yes, I had a helmet.

So bottom line: Don't be an idiot, bike on the sidewalk (At least when you're on a road where the city actually bothered to put a sidewalk in. And the sidewalk isn't hidden under a foot of snow. But that's a whole other rant.)

"Let me get this straight... You think bicycles should stay on sidewalks (when available) just because some bicyclists might have a baby with them?"

No, you idiot. As I've already told you, and you've already forgotten: bikes should stay on the sidewalk (when available) because a car is far more dangerous to a bicyclist than a bike is to a pedestrian. The baby seat stuff was a rebuttal to the baby stroller argument.

"Ha ha, you said 'rebuttal'."

Yes. Yes I did.

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Web Development Brain My Eat Ising!!!

Originally posted: August 21st, 2007

Aargh!

Aren't there any programming jobs near Cleveland that are not web development?

Fuck the web.

I mean, crap, I know beggars can't be choosers, but if I have to take one more pseudo-programming job I think I'll finally go completely nuts. You'll start seeing topics on here named "Oh crap it's eating myBRAAAIINNnvbigo,a.kfagfb.agw.efg.akgfu.awgfkbv uavagfuak".

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