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How is it possible that anyone at GitHub can be so incredibly stupid they could actually fuck up a link?

Look, all you Web-2.0 dumbshits, this is how you make a link:

<a href="url here">whatever the fuck you want clickable here</a>

How fucking simple is that?

It always works. Always! It always has and it always will. For everyone. There is no need for, or benefit in, ever doing it any other way, ever.

How can you possibly delude yourself into thinking that won't do for your needs? Or that it's too hard. Or that it has fuck all to do with avoiding legacy baggage? What fucking baggage? Look at that line of code up there. You're seriously going to try to tell me that you're so goddamn incompetent that THAT is "too hard"? Do reality a favor and start choking on your own drool now - it's obviously inevitable anyway. May as well hurry it up and decrease the surplus stupidity.

[counter here][All] web 2.0 developers don't know how to write a basic link without tripping to death over their own fingers.

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I'm starting a new series here: "Everything You Know About the Web is Wrong"

Naturally, I'm not actually suggesting that's true in a literal sense. That'd be extremely unlikely. And quite unfathomable, really. But calling it "There May Be Some Information Regarding The Web About Which You Have Been Misinformed" would be too wordy. Yea, I know, I'm the king of terseness.

This series isn't about trivialities like "The 'web' is only part of 'internet'" or "That thing you're using: it's called a 'web browser', a type of what's known as a 'program' - the non-hipster word for 'app' - which runs in what's called a 'window'". I don't have nearly enough remaining patience to teach anything to anyone that dumb. Just go to a library, pick up a damn book (they have ones that are 90% pictures, so you don't even have to be literate), and read it for once in your life. Take some initiative to not be a lazy ignorant fuck. If you're over 18, you have no excuse: It's long past time you learned how to be a real self-sufficient grown-up for once. Frankly, there's not much I despise more than a middle-ager or older who makes bullshit excuses to avoid learning. Too old to learn? Bullshit: You're just too stupid and lazy to learn. At least figure out that much. Mere moments ago you didn't know know I was an asshole. But now you do. So bullshit you "can't learn"...............

Uhh...now where was I...?

Oh, right.

So no, that "Computers 101" junk isn't goal of this series. This series is for web developers and anyone else who knows enough to communicate at least somewhat coherently about such things as HTML or CSS. Other people have no need to know HTML/CSS/etc. - this isn't for them.

I would say "Look for the first installment soon!" but somehow that feels narcissistic. Or at least inappropriately worded. What do I think I'm doing, writing a generic ad campaign? Either look for it, or don't look for it, or print it out and make a hat. What business is it of mine?! None!

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(click to enlarge)

Due the the nature of the festivities, the mayos' identities have been protected.

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Paul Thurrott, long time level-headed voice of reason on all things Microsoft, has lost my respect:

"Don’t be a chump. The Start button and Start menu were cool in 1995. Today, they’re as passé as the clunky computers we used back then."
    -- Paul Thurrott, WinSuperSite.com: Windows 8 Tip: Embrace Change

Really? I'm supposed to be shamed into upgrading to a bad OS (yes, I've used it) upon threat of "passé"? What the fuck is this, computing or a French fashion show?

Unlike certain chumps, I'm not interested in being cool or avoiding what's passé. I'm interested in my computer working the way I want it to. Microsoft is clearly no longer willing to offer that. Therefore, I'm no longer willing to buy and use their new flavor-of-the-month, walled-garden operating systems. If I liked that sort of thing, I would already be an Apple user.

Microsoft's loss, not mine.

If Paul's fallacy isn't already obvious, I'll put it another way: The usual automotive interface of "steering wheel, gas pedal, brake pedal" was developed ages ago after some years of futzing around with awkward designs. Then, the interface we all know and use was developed. (Actually, it was mostly borrowed from the design of an older more obscure car people had forgotten about, at least according to an episode of Top Gear.)

So, it should be interesting to modern trendsters that every decade or so we're NOT trying to reinvent the steering wheel, poorly, and shame people into conformance by branding what's already proven to work well with un-hip, but ultimately meaningless, notions like "passé".

Don't be a chump: Don't fall for cheap shame tactics.

UPDATE 2013/05/28: Anyone who demands that I have to "give it a chance" any more than I already have, can suck my buttsack.

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...you take a sip, exclaim "Man, that's lousy coffee", and then keep drinking.

I speak, of course, from direct personal experience.

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On behalf of all software developers in the world, allow me respond:

Think back to the last time you took your car to the mechanic and simply said "My car...it doesn't work." Or better yet, "Some other people said this car doesn't work!"

Oh wait, nobody does that. That's because it's moronic and everyone knows damn well how enormously retarded it would be.

Alright, so when was the last time you went to your doctor and told them: "Doctor, doctor, my body isn't working right!" Uhh...what isn't working right? I mean, aside from an obvious case of the stupids. What the fuck are your symptoms? Oh wait, I forgot: I'm apparently omniscient, so let me just read the mountain of dung that's sitting where your mind should have been.

No, no...don't bother stringing together meaningful words to form coherent ideas into meaningful messages. Allow me to make guesses at what the shit you're blathering on about for you.

For your own sake, so your brainless antics don't eventually manage to trigger a homicidal reaction (which will undoubtedly render your original computer problem very much irrelevant): You need to be aware that whenever you use the two words "...doesn't work...", then no matter how polite the reply is, no matter how polite they have ever been, at that point, in their head if not out loud in their office, they are screaming at you: "FUCK...YOU!!!" And if a developer tells you they don't think that: They are lying.

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